My boss told everyone I worked with I hate them!

Most of the stress that has kept me off of this blog has had to do with work. The kids have played their part but the work thing has been a huge pain in the ass.

Three years ago I was in a bad place at work and I wound up moving to another job. I loved the job I left but it had become unbearable to work there due to all the issues with employees and an absentee boss. I was literally working 60 hours a week and doing three peoples jobs. I was so depressed I thought I was worthless and I questioned every move that I made. So I made a promise to myself that I would never again allow myself to be pushed into that type of hole.

Last December things got difficult at my current job. My boss pulled me in a room and gave me an off the books reprimand that was to be placed on the books if I continued to misbehave. The reprimand was so absurd that I asked for another individual to come in and witness the conversation. Basically I was told I wasn’t allowed to do anything without permission, all my responsibilities were removed, and I was told I was portraying a negative perception to other employees inside and outside my branch. It was ridiculous!

I admit that I was having problems with attendance due to stress at home and healthcare issues. However at work I had been told to train two new individuals who never should have been hired. These individuals were never told that they HAD to train with me so I couldn’t force them to sit with me or learn. I was held responsible for their lack of training and their lack of progress. When I spoke with my boss about it he either blew it off or said oh well if they don’t want to train we will just load them up with work and when they fail we will fire them. I hated that answer but I wasn’t the boss so I backed off. There was a whole bunch of crap with hiring issues and people getting screwed out of jobs. I was the voice of reason, I was the one telling people it wasn’t as bad as it seemed. I was the one calming down the co-worker who was about to go overboard about it.

Anyway after I was basically told to sit in my cubicle and not speak to anyone about anything I cut off contact with everyone around me. I answered work related questions only if I couldn’t defer them to my supervisor and I exchanged pleasantries only if required. Needless to say I was nothing like myself. My coworkers who weren’t aware of my reprimand thought I was being a bitch. I didn’t speak to them unless spoken to and when I did I said as little as possible. The very few individuals I knew on a personal basis were given a short statement letting them know I didn’t feel I could speak to them without reprimand.  Nothing was explained to anyone except for one coworker who I spoke with outside the office.

Not long after that I found a new job. My boss released me to go to it and then apparently attempted to get my coworkers to do some sort of going away party. I flat out told the one coworker/friend I was speaking with to tell them all I did not want a party. At some point my friend was told by another coworker that they didn’t want to do a party because they thought I hated them. My friend knew that wasn’t true and that I was only avoiding them in hopes of keeping them from being drawn into the drama. She had me and the coworker meet in the break room away from my boss to discuss the issues.   

I explained the issues and reassured them I didn’t hate them.

She then told me that my boss had pulled her and all the other employees in an office and told them I hated them!

I couldn’t believe it. This full grown man had pulled in my coworkers and told them I hated them! What the hell are we teenagers? I don’t even have to like the people I work with to work effectively with them. Plus I didn’t hate any of them. I disliked one of them but that was simply because he disliked me and made sure I knew it. I had never been disrespectful to any of them and had always treated them with respect. But for some reason he felt it necessary to tell them something mean so that I would be even more isolated.

Once again I was in that hole! The despair was horrible. People who knew my work was excellent would come to me for support and I would have to turn them away. Customers that could have been taken care of in a matter of minutes were rerouted to other employees simply because I was afraid to assist them without instruction. I felt helpless and worthless all over again!

When I moved to my new job I vowed to make sure this all came to light. I had wanted to file a complaint all along but was afraid of reprimand while I was in my old office. So when I made it to my new job I attempted to file a complaint but was told I had missed the 45 day window to do so. I know a lot of people probably thought I was filing the complaint for my own benefit but my concern was for my coworkers. One of them was sure to be next and I didn’t want anyone to ever feel the way I had.

One of old coworkers got her reprimand this week. She is a 30+ year employee with an incredible work record. He wrote her up for calling in sick!

Does drama ever end!

I felt like had I grown up a long time ago. I handle my bills, I raise my children, and I work a full time job. Nothing fancy or special just a normal Army wife life. Unfortunately over the years I have developed a need to help the people around me. Apparently this is a bad thing because I give a lot more than I should. I get involved and care about the people I am trying to support and unlike most people I am willing to fight for what I think is right.

A friend of mine tells me all the time that I take on too much and get too involved. I know she is right. I have changed a lot about the way I interact with people over the last year but I still feel like I am not doing this right. I love being a good person and putting myself out there to help people. It makes me feel so good to be able to do things to help others out. 

So why do I always wind up feeling bad about being myself? Why do I keep doing this when it is obvious it is causing me pain? Why do I even care? Why don't I have a single person I can talk to openly and honestly about this?

I am sitting here alone in my house and every person I can think to call doesn't support me and my issues right now. That probably says a lot....I need to move on and let things go but sometimes I just wind up feeling gut punched. I just want people to be honest with me and my family. I don't need to know all the juicy details of every situation I just don't want my family or the people I work so had to support to be abused. Honestly how difficult is it to look at something like an adult and realize how it affects those around you. 

Maybe I am too realistic and I look at things too impartially but I don't understand why people just refuse to communicate. All the drama is wrapped around the lack of communication and lies. No one is telling anyone anything which just allows for every kind of rumor and nastiness to spread. Right now I am ready to walk away from something I enjoy doing simply because I don't trust the people around me.

When will I find a way to make the drama end?

Deployment sucks!

Daddy D deployed to a foreign country in April and he won't be back home for a while. I really miss him :(

Back when we moved to Kentucky Daddy D mentioned he would be deploying in the near future. We made it a little over a year and then our time had come. Even after months of preparation the day you let them go hits you like a wall. Your breaths come harder than normal and there is an immense feeling of weight and loss that you have to learn to handle. You know they will be back and that this is only temporary but somehow all that rationalization does not take away the feelings. It takes about a week for the feelings to start hitting hard but a week after that you buckle down and hit the ground running.

I forget when he is home for a while how much I depend on him. He does so many little things around the house and he listens to me when I need to vent. All of this allows me a little down time and some much needed stress relief. He is a wonderful man and while I do not take that for granted I sometimes forget just how much he compliments me.

Anyway I have been a lot stressed with all the household repairs, totaled trucks, and general "man duties" that I have been taking care of here lately. Add hormonal teenage daughters to the mix and momma is a little more than stressed out. Right now I don't have my online friends to talk to and I only have short moments on the phone with Daddy D which is also making this exponentially worse. I am tired, irritable, and down right lonely. I refuse to complain because I know that there are so many women out there who have sooooooo much more going on in their lives. I am blessed. I have a husband who loves me and children who are good kids, I really have no right to complain.

Daddy D is stuck in a room with 3 other men and working 14 hour days 6 days a week. Day 7 he only works 8 to 10 hours. He has so much more stress and he is in an infinitely worse place than I am yet he rarely complains. He never asks for anything and I have to ask him every time we talk if there is anything I can ship him. Even when he does give me items to purchase for him they are small and generally consist of snacks he can't get where he is.

I have never been so proud of my husband! He supports me and my daughters without ever complaining and he works a job that most people couldn't handle. Top that off with serving his country and I don't think there is anyone who would say he isn't a hero. Maybe not the kind of hero that will be on the news but the kind of hero who makes everyone around him a better person. I would buy him a cape but he would say I was wasting my money! LOL

Attention Attention Attention!

Clear the roads people! Cheer Diva has gotten her license. Her daddy gave her his old truck which is really a 2005 truck. Of course none of this applies now because she has totaled the truck and is driving my old car now. LOL

SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN BENCHED!

Last year was a year of firsts for me. First time I ever wanted to strangle a parent and their child. First time I ever called a school board. First time I ever felt like I was a judgmental person. You get the gist….a lot of firsts!

All of these firsts were due to a friend of mine and her daughter. You see Cheer Diva is of course on a cheer team and one of her team members, heretofore known as TayHam, has the same first name. Cheer Diva and TayHam became good friends and I became good friends with TayHam’s mother. We are both military wives and therefore we had quite a bit in common. The first year we were friend’s things were great. We all hung out at each other’s houses drinking beer and cooking out. The second year things got a little rough.

TayHam got pregnant……This happened in August/September but no one knew until December/January. I say no one knew but what I really mean is no one told anybody until then. By anybody I mean that TayHam told her cheer coaches because she had medical limitations. She refused to tell her teammates and continued to remain on the team. I found out right away because one of the coaches let it slip by accident. My daughter of course had been hearing rumors for quite a while but didn’t want to get into the drama. My suggestion to Cheer Diva was to take TayHam out to lunch and try to be a supportive friend. TayHam lied to Cheer Diva’s face and swore she wasn’t pregnant then proceeded to continue to lie through the rest of the season even when she was 7 months pregnant. EVERYONE KNEW but no one was allowed to say anything. If a teammate dared to say anything she was publicly berated by TayHam.

 In the beginning TayHam didn’t cheer for several weeks because she didn’t have doctors permission but she told everyone she had a “knee issue.” Then she came back on the squad for a few weeks to compete at State and Regional competitions.  Most of the cheer team and their parents were mortified! No one wanted to compete on the floor with a pregnant cheerleader. Yes it was because of morals but it was also because they cared about TayHam and her child and didn’t want anyone getting hurt. The coaches had been informed by TayHam and her mother that she would be unable to compete at Nationals because she would be over 6 months pregnant and the Doctor wouldn’t sign off. Of course no one was allowed to know this because it was still being called a “knee injury.” I did find it odd that the cheer routine was being altered on a daily basis so that she could continue to be on the floor even though she was medically unable to do most of the tricks. Three weeks before National Competition TayHam started sitting out during practices and her spot in the stunts was filled by another cheerleader. It was still a little odd that they were leaving TayHam’s position open during other sections of the routine but with all the drama on the team I didn’t pay it much attention.

The day before the team got on the bus for Nationals TayHam walked in with a Doctors note and told the girl in her spot to move. She proceeded to go on and compete at Nationals 7 months pregnant!

The cheer team was laughed at on the warm up mats and after competing. Their $2500 routine and choreography had been butchered to accommodate all of TayHam’s medical limitations and the teammates lost. A several hundred dollar uniform was butchered to make a maternity skirt. The team we had worked so hard to support and give new opportunities to wound up in last place. It was supposed to be a year of rebuilding and reimaging. The team was given things they had never had before so that they could be competitive again. Opportunities were thrown out the window because of parents and cheerleaders not wanting to deal with TayHam and her public berating of anyone stupid enough to speak up.

 If you watched the video you would have no idea that TayHam was the cause of the failure but if you were a parent who attended practices it was very visible. The cheerleader who had filled TayHam’s slot was relegated to standing in the back doing nothing. The stunt group that had been the strongest all year fell apart because another cheerleader refused to compete with a pregnant cheerleader and quit the team. A third stunt group couldn’t be put together because TayHam’s limitations wouldn’t allow it. The team got their butts handed to them publicly simply because one child was accommodated repeatedly regardless of the implications to anyone around her.

I was furious with TayHam for putting cheerleading above the health of her child. Furious with TayHam’s mother, who is a nurse, for not putting her foot down and telling her daughter how ridiculous it all was. Furious with the coaches for allowing her to lie to the team all year, allowing her to treat teammates like crap, never telling the fill in she was a fill in, allowing TayHam to tell the fill in to move, and for never ever standing up and saying NO you will not step back in and ruin this for someone else. Furious with the principal, athletics director, and school board for saying nothing other than “KY high school athletics laws say you cannot discriminate against pregnant athletes.” Last but not least furious with all of them for not recognizing that it is not discrimination to tell someone who cannot do three out of the four required parts of a routine that they are going to need to sit out.  Have you ever heard of the disabled hitters list people! Seriously those guys could probably play but it makes better sense in the long run for them to get healthy instead of put their health in jeopardy for a game.

After Nationals TayHam fell down some stairs and injured her knee for real. When tryouts came around she was told she could try out after her knee surgery. Notice there was still no mention of pregnancy and notice none of the girls on the team were told anything. Now the baby is here and in the neonatal intensive care unit and guess who showed up at practice yesterday? Yep TayHam three weeks post delivery and completely out of shape with a torn ACL and meniscus in her knee. She will be unable to do much all year because of the knee surgery but apparently they are once again making room for her. Most likely she will find a way to get a doctor’s note and practice on her injured knee. The team will suffer because of her limitations but she will get what she wants.

While I personally am disgusted with the whole situation I do understand the rules are there to protect our children. A golfer shouldn’t be kicked off the team because they are pregnant. Yes it may be a little embarrassing to her team members but it doesn’t affect her ability to perform. In this case though a cheerleader was given a medical note that said she couldn’t stunt, tumble, or jump. The only thing she was allowed to do was chant/dance. That means she was effectively unable to perform ¾ of her sport. If she had been on a basketball team she would have been benched. If it were football she would have been benched.

SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN BENCHED!

Updates on the last year!

Just realized you guys have missed month’s worth of my drama due to my stress level being so high I almost imploded. LOL I am aware you all just LIVE for my drama so I will definitely have to share it all as soon as possible. But because I am compassionate I am giving you a heads up and so you can skip the past if you want to :P

1.       Pregnant cheerleader who refused to tell her teammates.

2.       Cheer Diva got her license.

3.       Daddy D deployed.

4.       I changed jobs after my boss told everyone I worked with that I hated them.

5.       Horseback riding lessons.

6.       Cheerleading Nationals

7.       I got my associates degree!

Posts to follow!

Hell to the NO!

I treat my children well. They have nice things and they don’t want for anything. Now granted they don’t have everything but they are definitely not embarrassed about their clothing, home, or their toys. I have never been one to give them things in excess. In fact most of their really nice items have been gifts from their grandparents or uncle. I give them a budget when we go shopping and don’t exceed it unless necessary. The oldest is very good about working within a budget and can now budget her own money pretty well (probably very well if I would stop asking her to pick up household items while I am at work) :P

We aren’t an excessive family. We don’t travel to exotic locations or have tons of expensive toys. I do occasionally spoil them with a spa day but that is only a few times a year. We have a boat that costs more every year than it is worth and we have an older Prius that I drive strictly for gas benefits. The only somewhat extravagant thing we own is a Nissan Armada named “Cheyenne” that we bought to tow the boat and haul family at the same time. We did own a small truck until recently but it was definitely nothing fancy.

Now that you have read my boring intro you may wonder why you read it…………

I think my children are spoiled!

Remember that small truck I just mentioned. I bought that truck for Daddy D after his first deployment. Since he is currently deployed again he decided to give the truck to Cheer Diva and buy himself a new car when he gets back. She totaled the truck about two weeks ago. She was fine, just a few cuts and bruises, but they took her to the hospital to make sure she didn’t need stitches or anything. Before we were even out of the hospital she was planning her “new” vehicle. She told me she didn’t want a small car that she wanted a truck because she was sure she would have died had she been in a smaller car. I let it all slide since she is a little overdramatic at times and it was a stressful situation but there is no way in HELL she is getting a new vehicle. I gave her the Prius since it is better for her in the long run than a gas guzzling truck would be plus it has a five star safety rating.

In my opinion she is lucky to have anything! I mean seriously you have only been driving for a few months and you have already totaled a truck. She doesn’t have a job and she doesn’t pay for anything so basically her only responsibilities are her chores and 4 hours of cheerleading a week. I do throw in the occasional trip to the grocery store which apparently keeps her SUPER busy. Anyway I don’t guess I ever officially told her that she wasn’t getting a new truck in the near future. After one of her many comments about possible cars I had to explain that the Prius was now her car “Forever”. She then proceeded to call it a crap car. UMMMM NOOOPPPPEEEEE! That is the car that was bought for me last year! It was good enough for me it is damn well good enough for her.

This seems to be a recurring theme with her. She knows I want the new iPhone and have wanted it for a while now. Of course I allowed her to use my upgrade to get herself a new phone a few months ago because hers was once again broken. Now she has decided that there are only two items she could possibly want for her birthday the iPhone and a truck. Can you say “hell to the no” it aint happening people!

Lets just say after a small outburst from CaityBug they both wound up punished. CaityBug is grounded and Cheer Diva is going to have to get a job and pay for the difference in her car insurance since I am sure it will double now!