LAX Diva is my biological daughter and Daddy D's adopted daughter, she has never met her biological father even though she is very aware that he exists. I have never said anything bad about him except that he wasn't ready to be a father. He was the type of guy that had been in trouble with the law for petty stuff and didn't want to have to fight for visitations or custody. He especially didn't want to try and do it in my hometown where my family was well known and he was an outsider. His idea of being a part of LAX Diva's life was to drop off diapers on occasion and take her for the weekend. Of course none of this ever happened because I told him I wasn't going to do it, he could either get visitation rights or custody. I wasn't going to play games with my child and therefore I wasn't willing to let him come and go in her life as he pleased.
So when I was pregnant he called me from jail several times to talk over the pregnancy. I was honest with him the whole time and told him I wasn't willing to live like that and that he would have to make the changes. The last time I heard from him he had sent me a letter telling me not to shut him out and that he wanted us to be together again. I never heard from him again.
I really wish that he had been able to be a part of LAX Diva's life because he wasn't a bad person he was just a kid who didn't have anyone to give him any guidance. I was able to keep him from getting into too much trouble when we were together but I was never able to get him to change. Probably because he was too young and so was I but in the end I knew that no matter what I did he was not going to grow up and do the right thing. I found out later that he was doing steroids and possibly some drugs while we were together which was most likely a big factor in our breaking up.
Long story short LAX Diva asked me for the letter to read tonight. I had told her years ago that she could read it when she was older. Daddy D had never read it and I let him read it tonight so that he wouldn't be broadsided by anything later on. She is reading it now and I am typing this to keep my sanity in case she turns it on me later. I don't know if I will ever know what is right but she will be 15 in a few weeks and she deserves to have at least a small part of her father. I have told her when she is 18 and old enough to handle it I will help her track him down if she wants.
How will I ever know if I am doing the right thing with this?
This is a dangerous post to write.
3 days ago