12 seconds later I woke up in pain

On the day of my surgery I woke up and was ready to go. I only had one thing I wanted to tell the Dr and that was to remind him I have hypertrophic scars and would like him to take extra care when closing my incisions.  I had been nervous for the several days prior to the surgery and was freaking out about all the bad things I kept reading on the internet. But the morning of I was calm as a cucumber silently waiting my turn and my chance to speak with the Dr.

They started an IV changed me out of my clothes and took my medical history for the zillionth time until finally I was rolled off to the surgery suite. I am pretty sure they need to rethink their hallways because I could have gotten lost on the 10 minute ride down to surgery.  Fortunately for me though I wound up in the right spot and had no issues. The anesthesiologist came in and talked to me for a few seconds and then they had me slide on to the O.R. table. I settled down moved my arms as asked and began waiting for the Dr to tell him about my incisions. 12 seconds later I woke up in pain. LMAO

In reality the anesthesiologist had no idea I wanted to speak with the Dr and knocked me out without me knowing a thing. I woke up several hours later in recovery and man was I sore. The first demands I had were water and pain relief. My first waking thought was holy shit what have I done to myself. This was a huge mistake. I woke up again several hours later in much less pain and a LOT less stress. My father came back to speak with me and take all my junk to my room and then I woke up a while later.

Notice I did a lot of waking up! LOL I also did a lot of sleeping that day. The rest of the time was spent doing the mandatory walking and breathing. Oh yeah and needing to pee but I was begging for water and that was making it difficult. Anyway TMI and long story short I spent the rest of my time in the bathroom. Cheer Diva and Bug came to visit that night and we had a short talk before they went home again. I then proceeded to be poked and prodded and walked multiple times during the night.

The next day, no matter how I felt I was getting out of the hospital and going home. On the upside I felt pretty good and I was keeping down what they gave me to munch on. Liquids were all I was allowed for the first week but unlike others I had no issues sipping them all day. The Dr was nice and released me so I was home by the end of the day.

Well mostly normal

Well tomorrow will be 15 days since my surgery and I am back to feeling normal. Well mostly normal.

I have lost 20lbs already and I am thrilled. No setbacks of any kind so far and I am actually able to handle food. As of now I am a week ahead of the timeline on being able to eat things which is wonderful and scary at the same time. I am almost scared that being able to eat and not having too many issues might lead me to be able to continue eating badly. But I am thrilled because it means I won't have to completely give up every food I have ever loved. There are going to be things I won't be able to eat because they will make me sick so I know I won't be able to eat everything I did before.

Soon I will write and give you a run down of the time right after surgery but for now I will just say this has been a beautiful and scary ride. I will come back soon to update you.

Lazy?

In my last post I said “most people feel that having surgery to lose weight is just being lazy.” Honestly in some ways they are right. I could have spent my entire life eating right and exercising every day and maintained a healthy body weight from the beginning. I could stop all this surgery nonsense now and spend the rest of my life on the same diet rollercoaster I have been on for years. I could dedicate myself an exercise routine and beat my body into submission.

On the other hand I could face reality and realize that I wasn’t raised with meals that were well balanced. I was taught to clean my plate by loving parents who both suffered with obesity. They didn’t mean any harm and never intended to cause me pain. Even with exercise I spent years teetering on the edge of being a little overweight. I remember being asked if I was pregnant in high school! I was 5’2” and maybe 120lbs and I felt huge.

I have failed at so many diets because there is nothing to stop me from cheating. Eventually I will break down and break the rules. Once I do that it is a downhill slide from there into weight gain. Don’t get me wrong this surgery won’t keep me from cheating. In fact there are tons of ways I can cheat the surgery and make the whole thing useless. But from past experience I fail due to portion size not due to poor choices.

This surgery makes it difficult to eat large portions. I could eat those large amounts but they would probably make me sick or cause me pain. I could fall off the wagon and eat a gallon of ice cream but it wouldn’t be pleasant. I could cheat the system and eat things that are really bad for me in small doses but I would really have to work at it. LOL

All in all I am looking for a tool to help me help myself. I am looking for something that will help me learn when to say no and will let me know when I am doing bad. I am going to use this tool to help myself, and to be able to be a bigger part of my children’s lives. I want to be there for their events and not be miserable. I want to make better decisions to help them make better decisions. Last but not least I want them to see that you don’t have to settle for failure. You can get off your butt and do the work to make your life better. Maybe other people wont understand the how or the why of the situation but it is still essential to do what is best for your health and your family.

Lazy? Maybe I am but I can guarantee you that I have spent hours trying not to have this surgery done. I have also busted my butt getting all the clearances done, dieting, and learning everything I can about how my life will change. It is more work than I have ever done for anything and I refuse to feel lazy when I have worked so hard to make myself healthy again.

Anxiety

Really I am just tired and ready to get this surgery over with. I have had such a hard time getting to this point that now I am really ready to get a move on. I know that in a week I will be wondering what I was thinking to do this! But for now I am back to reading everything I can find about life after surgery on the internet. Unfortunately that is making me very apprehensive. I guess the old saying is true, people who have had a bad experience will tell the world while people with a good experience will tell a few.

I keep reading forum posts and hearing all these negatives and I am finally getting nervous. 90% of the stuff these people are saying doesn’t even apply to me but I can’t seem to stop reading it and worrying. I think I need to ban myself from the internet for a few days so that my mind can refresh itself and stop my anxiety.

I know all this stuff! I have been warned about it and given reassurance that since I am not severely obese that many of these things don’t apply. I am young enough, healthy, and only have about 90 lbs to lose. Heck I don’t even have to lose that much 60lbs will bring me down to a much safer weight zone and take away the majority of my health risks.

Maybe it is just normal to question making decisions that can affect your health. This decision is to improve my health but since it is optional it seems like it is more important. Everyone understands if you have to have an appendectomy because it is a necessary surgery. Most people however feel that having  a surgery to lose weight is just being lazy.

In 5 days I go under the knife

...and finally get the bariatric weight loss surgery I have been trying to get for 3 years. I am excited……apprehensive…..and a little freaked out! More than anything I am happy. I have already lost 7 lbs and can’t wait to lose more.

Bug is not happy about this surgery but only because she is scared I might die. She is thrilled for me to find a way to lose weight and I really hope it helps her with her weight loss issues as well. Cheer Diva is happy for me but having a hard time remembering I can’t eat the junk I used to. Both of them want to come to the hospital and stay all day but since it is a school day I can’t allow it. They are going to drop me off in the morning and come back that afternoon. Honestly I am letting them do that so that they are comfortable and not so scared about it. Plus it will be nice to have someone there to talk to.

I get to come home the day after surgery so I am really hoping I feel well. The girls will both be at Youth Cheer and since it is my favorite thing they do I am in charge of it this year. The control freak in me is having a hernia relinquishing control to someone else and let them run it the first night. I know I am too silly for words according to Bug!