Thursday, July 29, 2010

They say it's your Birthday!

It's my birthday too! Yep that right I am turning 35 today. So how did I celebrate this monumental occasion you ask? I went to work. LOL

I wanted to get out of it and truly I tried but Daddy D said if I didn't get a job I couldn't do what I wanted to do in the house or the yard. I caved! What can I say I really want a wall moved and some shrubs put in :P Work isn't as bad as I thought it would be but I am reserving judgement until I get a chance to know some more people. I mean seriously people can turn on you in a second and then the next thing you know your ass is hanging out for the whole world to see. My plan is to lay low and dodge bullets for 8 hours a day. I figure I can do that for a few months at least right? Yeah right! I always seem to start out with the best of intentions and then it hits the fan.

My new goal for this job is to do the best I can and not become management NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!! They will not drag me into the management whole again unless they offer me major money and a huge sign on bonus to top that off. I have no intentions of becoming a human punching bag any time soon and verbal abuse is just flat not going to happen. I did that for three years and I am ready for something better. These people better get nice and bubbly or I am going to kick them in the ass until they fake it. DAMN IT!!!!


Monday, July 26, 2010


My life is coming to an end. I swear someone tore my heart out and threw it on a curb in Seaside FL. Now the 80 year old ladies in pink rental golf carts are running it over for fun. KA CHUNK KA CHUNK KA CHUNK!!! It pains me just thinking about it but for some twisted reason I giggle when I picture it. I picture it every time I think about my new job. I know great way to start off right? Imagining my new job tearing out my heart and throwing it under the bus. Well I know that is slightly dramatic but I actually enjoy being a stay at home mom and very amateur blogger.

Anyway I stupidly accepted a position while I was on vacation with a company dealing in casualty support services for the Army. Decent pay, acceptable hours, crappy work schedule. I don't want it but I don't want to pass up the opportunity and then find out I can't get anything else. So I am going out tomorow to put in applications all over the place. I really would prefer to work closer to home and in a position that doesn't require me to work nights or weekends. But I guess beggars can't be so picky so I will take it for now until I can figure a way to cut back and work part time.

Do you hear it now? KA CHUNK KA CHUNK KA CHUNK!!! Daddy D says I am being dramatic but I think he is just being under dramatic. LOL

I feel like a family on a vacation promo flyer!

Alright it is official. As much as I hate to admit it I am 100% back from my vacation in Seaside FL. This sucks particularly because I was allowed a temporary reprieve from painting and unpacking. It really sucks because this was the most relaxing vacation I have been on in years. Even with my Mother being there. LMAO

Seaside is actually a really beautiful and quaint area, literally picture perfect in every way. Not only is it gorgeous but it is a very safe community and most people allow their children free reign on rental bicycles. We unfortunately rented in a area slightly farther away from the hub of Seaside so we didn't get to partake in it as much as we would have liked to. Actually though the price tag is Seaside is exorbitant so we couldn't afford anything there other than the occasional ice cream cone. Seriously it was like 300 bucks for a sundress. IMHO opinion it would be the perfect place for the really rich or the older set who just want a beach without the constant procession of Alvin's Island stores.

Anyway we found some amazing places to eat and drove through some of the most beautiful beach areas I have ever seen. Alys Beach was probably the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. The Summer Kitchen and Cafe made a Kobe Beef Burger that was to die for and they were down in Rosemary Beach which is also gorgeous. I swear I felt like one of those families that was temporarily transported to a magical location where all things were clean and crisp and white.

Before you ask nope I am not getting paid for this post I just thought it was such a beautiful place everyone should be able to see it even if I can never afford it again. LOL

Sunday, July 25, 2010

My car is cursed!

OK so apparently it is a bad thing to have a really nice car that you love as much or more than some of the members of your family. I named her Cheyenne and she is a humongous oversized SUV with all the bells and whistles. I traded in the puny little minivan that never even deserved a name without a second look and fell head over heals with Cheyenne's might powers. Why you ask is it a bad thing that I am in love with my new car? Because mayhem rains down upon it and turns the mighty Cheyenne into the most horrific headache you have ever experienced. Not only does mayhem affect my car but apparently it has it out for other cars around us as well. Point in case.

When my car was just a baby car (to me anyway) a snow storm came and sent a tiny little Toyota careening into the drivers side door. Poor Toyota! It should have known it was up against the mighty Cheyenne and just admitted defeat before becoming a big mass of twisted metal. I sort of felt sorry for it but honestly it was just a little bug in my fender. LOL

Anyway I got Cheyenne fixed and then she started having all kinds of computer problems. Like telling me the tires were low, the sunroof not working, and the cruise control being finicky. OK no problem I just took her to the dealership paid a whopping sum and got her back all shiny and new. I like her best shiny and new anyway so this was a double bonus right? Right?

So fast forward to this weekend, the kid staying in the rental home next door to us threw a rock and busted out our back rear window. Of course he was cute and I immediately let him off the hook because at least he came and told me instead of letting  me find out during a rain storm or something. Then we cleaned up the glass and proceeded to buy duct tape to fix her up until the new glass can come in. DID I MENTION WE WERE DRIVING 12 HOURS HOME FROM FLORIDA?? Yeah well just so you know duct tape doesn't work when it is over 100 degrees outside. So after 200 miles we had re taped the window 5 times and I was losing patience. (OK so I had already lost my patience but I was trying to seem nicer than I really am.) Then we rigged her up good and made it home.

Wait you guys thought that was the end right? LMAO NOPE!!! Cheyenne died in the driveway at my parents and wouldn't start. Dad tried to move his car and jump start Cheyenne but mayhem went all insane on us again and Dad blew a tire in his own garage! Seriously a block had been sitting there for years and never been hit until it was time to jump start Cheyenne and then WHAM it takes out a tire.

All in all Cheyenne had to have a new battery it took 4 hours to figure out how to change Dad's tire to one that is most likely dry rotted from lack of use and I finally made it home today. WHEW!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

If everything is so perfect around here why am I so pissed!

OK people here is the deal. I just moved into a beautiful brand spanking new house. I have the kiddo's rooms decorated and only a few touch ups left in there. I have one bathroom done and the other one only needs paint. The dining room is painted I just have to find a rug and some valances. The living room is painted. The kitchen, my bedroom, and the Man Room have yet to be touched due to fatigue. I refuse to hang any pictures around the house until everything is painted and all the pictures are out because....well I am lazy and I don't want to take them down again to paint. Basically though everything is fine.

So why am I sitting here typing away like a maniac pissed off at everyone in the house. 1)Satellite TV 2) lack of help around the house.

1)Ever since we the satellite installed everyone has been in their rooms ignoring what needs to be done. Every time I need something I have to scream or stomp on the floor to get someones attention. I am so sick of it! I swear I told them I was going to have the damn TVs cut off if they didn't stop it. I really am an addict too but honestly the change in the family in a matter of two days is ridiculous. We used to speak now we just grunt and bitch and moan about everything that takes us off our asses and out into reality.

2)I have been cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, unpacking, packing and in general just keeping everything done. All I ask is that if I say "today I need your help no napping and disappearing," you don't take a nap and your don't disappear. I mean duh how easy could that be? Apparently it is extremely difficult. LAX Diva managed to get clothes out of the laundry and fall asleep before she could hang them. Daddy D disappears every ten minutes to go watch TV and Bug just wants me to play with her and let her cook anything she sees on the damn cooking show.

Tonight after I cooked dinner I made it clear I wanted them to pick up the dishes and clean up the kitchen since I had done all the cooking this week. Hell I probably saved us hundreds just by cooking the least they could do is the dishes right? Nope I had to yell to remind them then I came in and found shit not done. They didn't even wipe off the kitchen table.

So now I am telling them the maid has left for the week and unless it is mine I am not doing shit. They are big enough to wipe their own butts and do their own laundry so I will no longer be doing it. This is ridiculous! I have a brand new house and all I have to do is bust my ass to keep it looking nice. It is time that someone else started putting in a little effort around here. DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Broke Diva!

Did you know that brand new houses come with nothing in them? I mean seriously no toilet paper holders, no towel rods, no trash cans. NOTHING!! I may have gotten slightly spoiled by living in military housing and rental properties because I had no clue about this and now I am having to buy them all. ARGH!!!

Now on to the real tragedy I am broke! I mean duh I love shopping for things for the house even if it is aggravatingly simple! Right! Who doesn't? But I am getting ready to go on this damn family vacation to Florida. I thought I had gotten out of it by transferring jobs but since the douche bags decided not to give me a job at the last minute now I am stuck going to the beach with my mother and father. The problem is I have nothing to wear. HONESTLY! I only have a few outfits of work clothing and a few outfits of workout clothing and TWO outfits for everyday. Why you ask does a self respecting woman not have enough clothing? Well mainly because I was hoping to have a gastric bypass done and lose some weight this summer so I didn't want to buy clothes to fit my current size. Now I am faced with having to buy them so I don't look like a complete idiot.

Now If only my mother were Paula. LOL Then this vaca might be fun. I mean seriously Paula just spent three months drinking it up at luau's in Hawaii and having going away parties every weekend. (You thought I didn't notice right Paula) LOL. Just kidding. But honestly my mother is a bore. She doesn't do anything but sleep and bitch and then eat and get sick to her stomach. Why because she eats poorly and doesn't take her medication right and is basically miserable. My kids don't like to be around her because she is constantly wanting them to get up at 5AM and go eat breakfast or go to tea parties or go shopping for the 900th time this week. My only saving grace is that she won't be able to stay on the beach with us due to her medications and therefore we will have some seperation during the day. Thank God my father is coming so he can keep her entertained some of the time too.

Just say a prayer for me ok! LOL

Monday, July 12, 2010

Updates and orgasms

Well I am officially back in business. Some nice Southern boys came and gave me the best day of my life two days ago and now I keep asking Daddy D if they can come back and play again. Daddy D says no! I don't understand why I mean honestly other than the service charge whats the big deal? Apparently Daddy D has a problem with me going all orgasmic over the satellite Internet installers. Little does he know I can find their number online anytime:)

LAX Diva started her first day of cheer leading and I have an odd feeling she will be coming home screaming for Tylenol. Did I mention that this week the cheer leaders are hosting a kiddie cheer camp from 8AM to 12PM? She gets to go supervise little hillbilly children who wanna be UK Wildcat cheerleaders when they grow up. I can't wait until the bitchiest one in the group gets linked up with my daughter. I am sure since she is new to the school, wasn't at tryouts, and just showed up today on the cheer leader radar the other girls are gonna throw her to the wolves. Should be fun to watch right?

I had a job interview via phone and it sounds promising if not perfect. It will get me through and help me to pay for all the stuff I want at the house. As mentioned before I can handle anything for a while so why not do it until the job I really wants rolls around. OK enough of that self serving shit. I don't want the job and don't like the schedule and really do not want to do it until something better drops in my lap! I really just want to go back to school and maybe work part time somewhere instead. Only problem there is the cash!

Bug is not thrilled with the new school dress code and I honestly can't say as I blame her it is really lame. I can't even find cute things for her to wear!

Daddy D is still on leave and currently I have not tried to kill him! SEE I really do love the man!

Anyway enough of that. I am back and I have caught up on all my other computer work, read all my blogs, and am ready to take on the world one day at a time. See y'all around!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

I now live in BFE!

Well apparently I moved to the one area where no one provides internet access. It is bad enough our cells keep cutting out on us if we don't stand still when using them. Currently I am sitting in a Panera 30 miles from my house trying to balance the checkbook and post the occasional update so people don't think I have died. LOL

I promise to be back soon and post pics of the new house.