It all came to a head last night

For years I have said that some day all the choices I had made with LAX Diva would come back to haunt me. Last night they did in full force. I have asked before if I am wrong to let her know about her biological father or if I am crazy for always cleaning up her messes but now I truly know the answer.

Yesterday we got yet another note from a teacher telling us that she was being disrespectful in class and had failed several assignments dropping her grade to a D+. Daddy D was not happy! Neither was I but I have been letting him take the lead with her for a while now to keep us from fighting so much. Well it went from bad to worse.

Daddy D tried to talk to her about her grade and what the teacher had said. Of course LAX Diva says none of it is true and why does it matter she is only one point below a C. She kept shaking her head, rolling her eyes, and running her mouth till he lost it. Daddy D tried to spank her and she went crazy (yes this has happened to me before) she started punching, kicking, and screaming at him. I tried to pull her off him and get her under control but she took off to her room and slammed the door. I followed her in the room to calm her down but then she started in on me. I basically wound up just laying on her and holding her hands down to keep her from hurting us.

I let her up once when I thought she was done but she came at me again so I slapped her to get her to back off. Then I held her down again to get her to calm down. That is when she really decided to play mean. She told me I should have had an abortion and never brought her into this world. She told me she was going to kill herself and started cussing and screaming at us again. I don't know what happened but I snapped and I slapped her again. Once she was done screaming I let her up and told her to pack her stuff. Daddy D left to take Bug to practice and I started throwing everything in her room in the hall. I threw her out of the house!

I cant believe I did it and I regretted it 30 minutes later and balled for an hour uncontrollably. I finally told Daddy D he had to come home and go find her. We drove around forever and finally one of her friends told me where she was and that she was planning to call me. We allowed her to spend the night with the friend and come home this morning. Then we laid out a whole new set of rules for life in a written contract that she is required to sign or she will be put into a military school.

Today my face is bruised and I am sore all over but I cant believe what happened. My own child physically and verbally attacked me to the point where I slapped her twice and had to restrain her. I never ever thought in all my life that I would lay hands upon my child for anything other than a spanking. She has marks on her from my hands and while I know I was protecting myself and Daddy D I don't know if I will ever forgive myself for them. I am forcing myself to be near her so that I can see them and burn them into my brain so that nothing like this ever happens again.

Trust me when I say that we were two steps away from calling the police and that I have mandated everyone in the house to receive family counseling. Nothing like this will ever happen again in my home and if it does none of us will ever live in the same house again. I will not be abused nor will I abuse anyone around me.