At some point you wake up and realize that you have effectively cut off your feelings for so long that you have nothing and no one left. For me that day has come several times in the past few years and I really don't know how to break the pattern. I am friendly. I don't know anyone who would say I wasn't except for the crazy people around me. I talk to people and I make intelligent conversation. Why is it then that when I need someone I am all alone.
I think it has to do with having to cut off my natural feelings towards my mother and several family members at a very young age. When I say "have" to cut them off it was simply a natural reaction to being so hurt and confused when they left me. My mother left me mentally and over the last many years physically during so many times when I needed her. I learned from those moments that I had only myself to count on and that if I got too close to her I would get burned. My father was so bewildered and angry during the first several years that he wasn't available emotionally. At one point I remember attending family counseling, I was 19 and pregnant, and the counselor proceeded to blame all the family issues on me. I remember sitting there hating my mother, father, and brother for letting her blame me. Even then I knew I wasn't the only reason for the stress in my family.
Before that her family wrote me and mine off for about 10 years. It was hard for me to know I had a family out there who wanted nothing to do with me and that it was no fault of my own. Top that off with an uncle who turned out to be a little too touchy feely, and now I have a favorite aunt who doesn't want to be around me. Long story short I have a whole family out there who I have little or no connection with and generally don't miss because I am so used to them being gone.
When I look back at this I see why it is that I don't form lasting relationships and that my core is deeply rooted in those I can trust. At this point the only family members I have who haven't dropped me are Daddy D and Caity Bug. Cheer Diva has beaten me down to the point where I am literally afraid to talk to her about anything because it will cause a major meltdown. Right now I just don't know if I have the energy for another loss and I want so bad to be a good mother. Unfortunately everything I do to achieve that goal just seems to cause another argument. I know she is a teenager and hopefully will grow out of this but I hope that it doesn't become a long term issue and cause me to lose my daughter. I honestly don't trust Cheer Diva enough to let her in too much. She uses my weaknesses against me and then beats me with them until I had never let her in.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Feeling alone in this
I guess I was hoping for a little support or even a little kindness from my family but all in all they just don't give a damn. Daddy D is of course being supportive but everyone else is just letting me down. I know it isn't every day that you officially stop talking to your mother but come on people. This isn't the mother who is supportive and loving this is the mother who has beaten me down every step of the way. Maybe 25 years ago she was that Hallmark mother everyone wants but for the last 20 she has been the Lifetime Channel's mother from hell.
Seriously I didn't expect much from anyone just a little "its ok" and "just give it some time." But NO! I get a 2 minute conversation with my brother in which he states he doesn't want to be in the drama and wants to know why we just can't get along. My father just tells me to let it go and ignore her hateful comments. Then today when I asked him if she was attending Thanksgiving he told me yes because the kids had asked her too. Then he proceeds to tell me to be nice to her.
What the hell does he think I have been doing for the last 20 years. Bending over backwards to get her the care she needs and making room for her in my family anytime she is too much to handle. Yeah that me the mean as bitch of the year who isn't NICE to her mother. ARGH!!! Some days I just wonder when is it going to be my turn for her to be nice to me.
Seriously I didn't expect much from anyone just a little "its ok" and "just give it some time." But NO! I get a 2 minute conversation with my brother in which he states he doesn't want to be in the drama and wants to know why we just can't get along. My father just tells me to let it go and ignore her hateful comments. Then today when I asked him if she was attending Thanksgiving he told me yes because the kids had asked her too. Then he proceeds to tell me to be nice to her.
What the hell does he think I have been doing for the last 20 years. Bending over backwards to get her the care she needs and making room for her in my family anytime she is too much to handle. Yeah that me the mean as bitch of the year who isn't NICE to her mother. ARGH!!! Some days I just wonder when is it going to be my turn for her to be nice to me.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Mental Health (or lack thereof)
About two months ago I went home to spend some time with my parents. I was hoping for a nice fun weekend of going to the church picnic and hanging out laughing around the TV. Unfortunately since my mother lost her mind years ago she tends to drag the event down. It seems like everytime we spend more than a few minutes in a room together she wants to start discussing her mental health (or lack thereof). Honestly I just want a mother I can have coffee with and talk about my kids or my brother. I don't feel the need or want to have a therapy session with her every time we visit.
This night in particular ended with her telling me I needed to go to school to get a psychology degree so that I can better understand her. All this because I told her I had no interest in listening to her relive her childhood one painful event at a time. Last time she started that shit I found out she has a person in her head named Edgar who tells her all the negatives. Anyway I wound up going to bed early and haven't spoken with her since.
Am I wrong to value my own sanity enough that I don't want to relive her childhood horror? I know her life sucked I know she was abused mentally, physically, and sexually and I know her life was a living hell of drunken parents, guns, and beatings. Why do I need to have her walk me through every event and its effect on her life? I honestly hate her visiting because she brings everyone down with her pissy attitude and need to control. At this point I am dreading Thanksgiving because she will come down and sit, do nothing, pout, and then leave in a bad mood.
Of course I am used to all of this but my children have been shielded from the majority of her depression thanks to the military keeping us far far away. Now she has joined Facebook and all hell has broken lose. Cheer Diva is getting berated every time she posts something my mother doesn't like. It is so ridiculous that Cheer Diva deleted her from Facebook and my mother went off. That is when I put my foot down and told her to stop forcing her pain on us and driving everyone away. I am DONE!
Who the hell does my mother think she is getting on Facebook and berating my child and a friend for their teenage posts. Seriously that is my job. If I honestly dislike something that gets posted enough to have to say something about it I will. Generally I do and I don't hold back. I let Cheer Diva know all the time when I feel she has crossed the line and what I want done about it.But I also remember that she is sixteen and clueless about things. When I know she posted something stupid not even thinking about it and without evil intent I don't fuss. I always make her remove posts I find inapropriate and I make damn sure she knows why.
I sent her an email saying as much and she replied with: As usual it's all about what I have done wrong. If you want an apology here it is I'm sorry I ever existed.
Seriously does that sound adult to you? I told her to grow up and call me when she was ready to act like my mother.
This night in particular ended with her telling me I needed to go to school to get a psychology degree so that I can better understand her. All this because I told her I had no interest in listening to her relive her childhood one painful event at a time. Last time she started that shit I found out she has a person in her head named Edgar who tells her all the negatives. Anyway I wound up going to bed early and haven't spoken with her since.
Am I wrong to value my own sanity enough that I don't want to relive her childhood horror? I know her life sucked I know she was abused mentally, physically, and sexually and I know her life was a living hell of drunken parents, guns, and beatings. Why do I need to have her walk me through every event and its effect on her life? I honestly hate her visiting because she brings everyone down with her pissy attitude and need to control. At this point I am dreading Thanksgiving because she will come down and sit, do nothing, pout, and then leave in a bad mood.
Of course I am used to all of this but my children have been shielded from the majority of her depression thanks to the military keeping us far far away. Now she has joined Facebook and all hell has broken lose. Cheer Diva is getting berated every time she posts something my mother doesn't like. It is so ridiculous that Cheer Diva deleted her from Facebook and my mother went off. That is when I put my foot down and told her to stop forcing her pain on us and driving everyone away. I am DONE!
Who the hell does my mother think she is getting on Facebook and berating my child and a friend for their teenage posts. Seriously that is my job. If I honestly dislike something that gets posted enough to have to say something about it I will. Generally I do and I don't hold back. I let Cheer Diva know all the time when I feel she has crossed the line and what I want done about it.But I also remember that she is sixteen and clueless about things. When I know she posted something stupid not even thinking about it and without evil intent I don't fuss. I always make her remove posts I find inapropriate and I make damn sure she knows why.
I sent her an email saying as much and she replied with: As usual it's all about what I have done wrong. If you want an apology here it is I'm sorry I ever existed.
Seriously does that sound adult to you? I told her to grow up and call me when she was ready to act like my mother.
Monday, September 12, 2011
I dont know what my problem is.
I think maybe my depression may be sneaking back in a bit or maybe it is just the exhaustion I discussed in my previous posts. I am just flat tired and uninterested in all this crap. School is super boring right now and I am just having the hardest time trying to stay awake and turn stuff in on time. Work is as boring as ever even though I am training for a new position which would atleast keep me busy instead of sitting here having nothing to do. Cheerleading is driving me crazy! And last but not least DH and I are in kindof a blah spot right now, which I think has more to do with the fact that I am going crazy and have been super bitchy here lately.
Anyway please be patient with me while I work through my funk and I am hoping I will do it quickly.
Anyway please be patient with me while I work through my funk and I am hoping I will do it quickly.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Cracks in the Facade!
Ok so I sometimes overwhelm myself with responsibilities. OK FINE I admit it I am almost always overwhelming myself with responsibilities. It is just down right ridiculous. You would think I would learn but NOPE I always think someone else will show up and help me out a bit but it rarely happens. When it does happen it is usually one person showing up when I need 3 people to show up.
Anyway due to me not getting some of the items I have to have for a project the project is now delayed and wont be ready in time for the first event. Crack #1. To top that off the people who promised me uniforms for Youth Cheer fell through and I have to make something else work. Crack #2. Last but not least I was so overwhelmed I decided not to do something that is normally done every year. Crack #3.
Now I am playing clean up and have to admit I am just downright tired. I really hate when I don't pull things off smoothly.
Worse than that I am behind in my school work because of Cheer leading. Seriously people I can not do it all!
Anyway due to me not getting some of the items I have to have for a project the project is now delayed and wont be ready in time for the first event. Crack #1. To top that off the people who promised me uniforms for Youth Cheer fell through and I have to make something else work. Crack #2. Last but not least I was so overwhelmed I decided not to do something that is normally done every year. Crack #3.
Now I am playing clean up and have to admit I am just downright tired. I really hate when I don't pull things off smoothly.
Worse than that I am behind in my school work because of Cheer leading. Seriously people I can not do it all!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
You are getting very sleepy.......
I ran out of my insomnia medicine recently and for about 2 weeks I have been trying to survive without it. It is not working for me. I am going to sleep late and trying to wake up early but I am failing miserably.
So far I have managed to not let if affect my job too much but the rest of my life is a crazy ladies nightmare. I have no energy to cook, clean, study, or even take care of myself. God I hope the Doctor calls in my refills soon or I may have to go elsewhere. I just emailed her yesterday to request it simply because I kept forgetting to do it everyday. Does that tell you how tired I am.
Anyway off to work. You guys have a good day!
So far I have managed to not let if affect my job too much but the rest of my life is a crazy ladies nightmare. I have no energy to cook, clean, study, or even take care of myself. God I hope the Doctor calls in my refills soon or I may have to go elsewhere. I just emailed her yesterday to request it simply because I kept forgetting to do it everyday. Does that tell you how tired I am.
Anyway off to work. You guys have a good day!
Friday, August 19, 2011
Life has been keeping me super busy!
We just started a new season of Youth Cheerleading and an outstanding turnout has us working with 83 cheerleaders which is not only amazing but a little overwhelming. I have to make sure the high school girls are there to teach the youth, create teams, assign team moms, put out a schedule, schedule an end of season competition, get music for them to compete with, order uniforms, order bows, and last but not least make sure I have money for all that.
Just because I get bored in the random seconds where I am not doing cheerleading I am still going to college full time and working full time so life is keeping me hopping.
Just because I get bored in the random seconds where I am not doing cheerleading I am still going to college full time and working full time so life is keeping me hopping.
Friday, August 5, 2011
I made it out alive!
Crazy lady resigned without much ado which was wonderful.
Everyone was in agreement on the reasoning behind having her leave but I am not so sure they were in agreement over moving her to another lower position with a lot less responsibility. She is still not acting normal though, she kept cutting us off and trying to run things. We had to tell her several times to stop doing stuff that we had already taken care of.
Long story short she is still a pain in my ass but atleast I will have to deal with her a lot less.
Everyone was in agreement on the reasoning behind having her leave but I am not so sure they were in agreement over moving her to another lower position with a lot less responsibility. She is still not acting normal though, she kept cutting us off and trying to run things. We had to tell her several times to stop doing stuff that we had already taken care of.
Long story short she is still a pain in my ass but atleast I will have to deal with her a lot less.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Today I am a nervous wreck!
I am doing my best to hold it together and not let it get to me but I am failing miserably. Tonight I get to deal with the crazy lady who thinks all the Cheer Boosters are out to get her.
I have been dreading this since Saturday when crazy lady requested the Executive Meeting. I know exactly what is going to happen and I have done everything I can to prevent it. Hopefully when she sees a room full of peers and coaches she will tone down her crazy a bit. I almost hope she doesn't though so they can see what I am dealing with.
One way or another she is going! I can not deal with her anymore and I will not have her with access to the bank account. She is just too unpredictable and unstable.
Everyone say a prayer and help me make it through this without issues!
I have been dreading this since Saturday when crazy lady requested the Executive Meeting. I know exactly what is going to happen and I have done everything I can to prevent it. Hopefully when she sees a room full of peers and coaches she will tone down her crazy a bit. I almost hope she doesn't though so they can see what I am dealing with.
One way or another she is going! I can not deal with her anymore and I will not have her with access to the bank account. She is just too unpredictable and unstable.
Everyone say a prayer and help me make it through this without issues!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Today is the day I may officially lose my mind!
Yes I know it has been a bit since I made it on here to talk and I am pretty sure you all would love to know why but honestly I just don't have the energy. I will just give you a short list of the reasons why I am at home on a Tuesday morning blogging when I should be at work.
Crazy BiPolar Vice President of the Booster Club (diagnosed by a medical professional)
Coaching staff with no clue (SERIOUSLY NO CLUE)
Fundraisers- 9 in two months (I think I was drunk when I booked that shit)
Stupidly signing up to be President of the Booster Club (I know I was drunk when I did that)
Teaching a 16 year old girl to drive (Making me want to become a real drunk)
Migraines (Probably a hangover due to all of the above)
Meetings (At this point those don't even register anymore)
Oh yeah and a college class I am behind in (Not even sure of the name of it but I really pray the teacher takes mercy on my soul)
Trust me ladies no matter how good you are there is no way you are wonder woman! Now I am just sitting here praying my boss doesn't give me an official counseling statement when I arrive at work. Cause you know that would just make all of the above so much better.
I want to cry!
Crazy BiPolar Vice President of the Booster Club (diagnosed by a medical professional)
Coaching staff with no clue (SERIOUSLY NO CLUE)
Fundraisers- 9 in two months (I think I was drunk when I booked that shit)
Stupidly signing up to be President of the Booster Club (I know I was drunk when I did that)
Teaching a 16 year old girl to drive (Making me want to become a real drunk)
Migraines (Probably a hangover due to all of the above)
Meetings (At this point those don't even register anymore)
Oh yeah and a college class I am behind in (Not even sure of the name of it but I really pray the teacher takes mercy on my soul)
Trust me ladies no matter how good you are there is no way you are wonder woman! Now I am just sitting here praying my boss doesn't give me an official counseling statement when I arrive at work. Cause you know that would just make all of the above so much better.
I want to cry!
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Then I checked Facebook and she had posted this!
Cheer Diva has decided to get grumpy with me here lately and I am tired of it!
This month is the month from hell for all cheer parents and booster clubs! School is about to start back, practices have begun, and fundraisers are either in full force or being planned in full force. For some reason the month of July is always horrid for us. First we had a 3 day concession stand with car wash. Second we had a week long Youth Kiddie Camp. Third we had another carwash. Fourth we had to build a float for the fair parade. 5th we have fair cleanup 5 days this week. 6th we have choreography two days this week!
We have all been busting butt! Alot of the girls are spoiled and can't do anything outside that requires them being in the heat. So I am running a carwash and scrubbing tires while 3 teenage girls sit and watch. I keep them moving but try to give them some breaks here and there. We don't have a large team though and we have very little parent participation so it is difficult at times.
So needless to say I know we are all a little grumpy with one another and that we are all tired.
Yesterday I called Cheer Diva and told her to get dressed in something decent that we had some errands to run. First she complained because she didn't want to go. I nicely explained I was raising money for her cheer team so she could at least come help. So she got irritated and did the whole "whatever" thing and hung up on me. This of course pissed me off.
She called back 5 minutes later and told me she had no pants to wear that nothing fits at all. Yeah right! Anyway about half way through her tirade I got tired of listening and hung up. When I got home I walked in got what I needed and left. Of course she calls me on my way out of the driveway and starts with the mouth. I cut her off told her what needed to be said and hung up. I delivered 9 ads in less than an hour and then headed to the grocery to get dinner. When I got home I pulled in the drive and left everything where it was. I made her cook dinner and get it all unloaded out of the car.
Then I checked Facebook and she had posted this:
I'm so tired of doing all of this stuff for cheer! And when I'm tired I get screamed at for not doing one thing.. I'm tired of it! And done pleasing other people.
That is when I decided it was time to fight fire with fire! If you want to go on a public website where everyone I know can see your post and make me look like a fool see how you feel when I return the favor.
So I posted this:
This month is the month from hell for all cheer parents and booster clubs! School is about to start back, practices have begun, and fundraisers are either in full force or being planned in full force. For some reason the month of July is always horrid for us. First we had a 3 day concession stand with car wash. Second we had a week long Youth Kiddie Camp. Third we had another carwash. Fourth we had to build a float for the fair parade. 5th we have fair cleanup 5 days this week. 6th we have choreography two days this week!
We have all been busting butt! Alot of the girls are spoiled and can't do anything outside that requires them being in the heat. So I am running a carwash and scrubbing tires while 3 teenage girls sit and watch. I keep them moving but try to give them some breaks here and there. We don't have a large team though and we have very little parent participation so it is difficult at times.
So needless to say I know we are all a little grumpy with one another and that we are all tired.
Yesterday I called Cheer Diva and told her to get dressed in something decent that we had some errands to run. First she complained because she didn't want to go. I nicely explained I was raising money for her cheer team so she could at least come help. So she got irritated and did the whole "whatever" thing and hung up on me. This of course pissed me off.
She called back 5 minutes later and told me she had no pants to wear that nothing fits at all. Yeah right! Anyway about half way through her tirade I got tired of listening and hung up. When I got home I walked in got what I needed and left. Of course she calls me on my way out of the driveway and starts with the mouth. I cut her off told her what needed to be said and hung up. I delivered 9 ads in less than an hour and then headed to the grocery to get dinner. When I got home I pulled in the drive and left everything where it was. I made her cook dinner and get it all unloaded out of the car.
Then I checked Facebook and she had posted this:
I'm so tired of doing all of this stuff for cheer! And when I'm tired I get screamed at for not doing one thing.. I'm tired of it! And done pleasing other people.
That is when I decided it was time to fight fire with fire! If you want to go on a public website where everyone I know can see your post and make me look like a fool see how you feel when I return the favor.
So I posted this:
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
God I hope she takes their advice!
The drama continues!
Who would have ever thought that grown adults would act like such children. Crazy Lady is back at it again! I just don't understand the need of full grown adults to post nasty comments at other peoples kids. Why in God's name would a 36 yr old woman want to be in the middle of petty 16 yr old bickering. Isn't it more your job to teach your child how to deal with it?
When my kid does something stupid on Facebook I make her apologize and delete the entire thing. I explain to her why it is wrong and how it can hurt the people affected. I don't go on Facebook and yell at her about it nor do I go on Facebook and defend her. I sure as hell do not go on Facebook and tell the other kids commenting to butt out.
Top the Facebook drama off with the fact that she rolled up in Youth Cheer Camp yesterday and called half the team worthless sluts in front of the kids and the cheerleaders who were in the room. The coaches finally told her if she didn't like the kids on the team then maybe she should just turn in her daughters uniform and be done.
God I hope she takes their advice!
Who would have ever thought that grown adults would act like such children. Crazy Lady is back at it again! I just don't understand the need of full grown adults to post nasty comments at other peoples kids. Why in God's name would a 36 yr old woman want to be in the middle of petty 16 yr old bickering. Isn't it more your job to teach your child how to deal with it?
When my kid does something stupid on Facebook I make her apologize and delete the entire thing. I explain to her why it is wrong and how it can hurt the people affected. I don't go on Facebook and yell at her about it nor do I go on Facebook and defend her. I sure as hell do not go on Facebook and tell the other kids commenting to butt out.
Top the Facebook drama off with the fact that she rolled up in Youth Cheer Camp yesterday and called half the team worthless sluts in front of the kids and the cheerleaders who were in the room. The coaches finally told her if she didn't like the kids on the team then maybe she should just turn in her daughters uniform and be done.
God I hope she takes their advice!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
I am totally to young for this shit!
I am so ready for a break but one is not due for quite a while now. I guess I will just have to keep on trucking and make things happen so that I can eventually have one.
On another note Cheer Diva's brand new hamster just had 6 babies. WTH! I only bought one but apparently some horny little hamster got ahold of her before we bought her and now I am a grandparent.
I am totally to young for this shit!
On another note Cheer Diva's brand new hamster just had 6 babies. WTH! I only bought one but apparently some horny little hamster got ahold of her before we bought her and now I am a grandparent.
I am totally to young for this shit!
Friday, July 15, 2011
Yesterday and Today have sucked!
Yesterday I left work to go work at a fundraiser for Cheer Diva's cheer team. When I arrived I was greeted by pissed off parents who had been greatly abused by the business that was hosting the fundraiser. The business owner who also happens to be a Cheer mom had cut the prices on what we were selling so drastically that there is no point in us being there. Then she proceeded to complain about the t-shirts and ask how big her sponsorship ad was going to be on the back of it.
Seriously lady! You have sponsored the shirt for years now and it has always been the same size so why would that have changed. Also just because you decided to show up and do something this year does not give you the right to dictate the shirt colors, design, or where they are printed. (yes those were her three complaints).
So anyway it is official we will not be working this particular fundraiser again next year no matter who she is. I got suckered this time but I won't be again.
Today since life was just having fun kicking me around I set my alarm clock but forgot to turn it on. Needless to say this meant I woke up at 1053 and had not called in to work. My boss was not happy and therefore I got a counseling statement. I have been a manager before so I totally understand but at the same time I am so mad because he has not counseled the other employees that miss as much or more work than I do. Of course they have since moved on to new positions but damn! Why do I have to be his guinea pig for his new grow some balls program.
Anyway I am here and I will make it but I am totally sucking and wishing I could just go outside and cry right now. To make matters worse I have to go work that damn concession stand again this afternoon and Saturday.
Seriously lady! You have sponsored the shirt for years now and it has always been the same size so why would that have changed. Also just because you decided to show up and do something this year does not give you the right to dictate the shirt colors, design, or where they are printed. (yes those were her three complaints).
So anyway it is official we will not be working this particular fundraiser again next year no matter who she is. I got suckered this time but I won't be again.
Today since life was just having fun kicking me around I set my alarm clock but forgot to turn it on. Needless to say this meant I woke up at 1053 and had not called in to work. My boss was not happy and therefore I got a counseling statement. I have been a manager before so I totally understand but at the same time I am so mad because he has not counseled the other employees that miss as much or more work than I do. Of course they have since moved on to new positions but damn! Why do I have to be his guinea pig for his new grow some balls program.
Anyway I am here and I will make it but I am totally sucking and wishing I could just go outside and cry right now. To make matters worse I have to go work that damn concession stand again this afternoon and Saturday.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
I am officially an aunt!!!!!
I am so excited! Peppermint Patti and her hubby just got the final verdict in their adoption case. They are now the proud parents of Ethan Breckenridge. All parental rights were terminated for the mother and father and they are not to have contact with the family.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
My mother and her mental issues are driving me insane!
Seriously enough is enough! I am a 35 year old woman who is successfully raising children, holding down a job, going to college, and maintaining a marriage to a wonderful man. I do not have time to go to therapy with my mother.
I don't know what has gotten into her, over the last few weeks she has been calling me and telling me she is worried about me. I ask why and she says you have just been so disconnected from us lately I feel like something is wrong. OK what do you say to that? My mother is a bipolar schizphrenic who suffers from a mild hoarding compulsion so I try to keep a little distance for my own sanity. I love her I really do but after all the therapy, medicines, and treatments she doesn't remember much of my childhood and her current life revolves around a couch. What am I supposed to discuss? The current state of the union?
So now she calls and says she thinks we need to go to Mother/Daughter therapy so we can bond. WTH people!!!! I just dont have the energy to rearrange my life for her again. Honestly I have moved her into my house when needed, lived with her when needed, managed her health care, managed her money, wiped her ass, and brushed her teeth all with no more than a headache as thanks. It's not that she isn't greatful and hasn't said so it is that she feels it isn't enough.
I don't have anything left to give! I don't want to spend months walking on egg shells around her while we go through therapy! I don't want to invite her into my life full force again only to lose her when her mind shuts down! I just don't have the energy!
I don't know what has gotten into her, over the last few weeks she has been calling me and telling me she is worried about me. I ask why and she says you have just been so disconnected from us lately I feel like something is wrong. OK what do you say to that? My mother is a bipolar schizphrenic who suffers from a mild hoarding compulsion so I try to keep a little distance for my own sanity. I love her I really do but after all the therapy, medicines, and treatments she doesn't remember much of my childhood and her current life revolves around a couch. What am I supposed to discuss? The current state of the union?
So now she calls and says she thinks we need to go to Mother/Daughter therapy so we can bond. WTH people!!!! I just dont have the energy to rearrange my life for her again. Honestly I have moved her into my house when needed, lived with her when needed, managed her health care, managed her money, wiped her ass, and brushed her teeth all with no more than a headache as thanks. It's not that she isn't greatful and hasn't said so it is that she feels it isn't enough.
I don't have anything left to give! I don't want to spend months walking on egg shells around her while we go through therapy! I don't want to invite her into my life full force again only to lose her when her mind shuts down! I just don't have the energy!
Sunday, July 10, 2011
What's up with that crap!
Tonight I sit here watching Harry Potter and avoiding going to sleep. This may have something to do with the fact that I have to wait 5 days to get my sleeping medication refilled. Gotta love the bureaucracy of the military pharmacy. LOL Or it could have to do with the captivating abilities of the franchise known as Potter. Both of which I seriously doubt.
Mainly it has to do with me having slept till almost noon and then attempting to take a nap around 4pm. I honestly was tired but it probably had more to do with me starting my monthly today. Honestly monthly is kind of a joke considering my body has decided to revolt against convention and only work when it decides to.Fortunately for me I still get all the monthly excitement of cramps and bloating but none of the end game. The mood swings are also an upside for everyone around me. Of course when the end game hits it is a real booger and I want nothing more than to lay in bed and die. Since I spent the last week in bed with a migraine and no will to live I would think that should have been my first sign that good things were to come.
You might ask why I don't get this all taken care of and I would tell you that I have tried several times with no success. I tried to get them to take my uterus when I had Bug. I mean honestly I wasn't going to need it again. Then about 7 years ago I got diagnosed with poly cystic ovaries over the phone. When I showed up for the appointment to get help with that the Dr had amnesia and completely forgot all the options we had discussed. What's up with that crap.
Anyway I plan to head bed and will work hard to feel human tomorrow.
Mainly it has to do with me having slept till almost noon and then attempting to take a nap around 4pm. I honestly was tired but it probably had more to do with me starting my monthly today. Honestly monthly is kind of a joke considering my body has decided to revolt against convention and only work when it decides to.Fortunately for me I still get all the monthly excitement of cramps and bloating but none of the end game. The mood swings are also an upside for everyone around me. Of course when the end game hits it is a real booger and I want nothing more than to lay in bed and die. Since I spent the last week in bed with a migraine and no will to live I would think that should have been my first sign that good things were to come.
You might ask why I don't get this all taken care of and I would tell you that I have tried several times with no success. I tried to get them to take my uterus when I had Bug. I mean honestly I wasn't going to need it again. Then about 7 years ago I got diagnosed with poly cystic ovaries over the phone. When I showed up for the appointment to get help with that the Dr had amnesia and completely forgot all the options we had discussed. What's up with that crap.
Anyway I plan to head bed and will work hard to feel human tomorrow.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Traditional after the 4th migraine!
I had a great weekend and did some new things I had never done before. We made it out to the local race track and I got to place my first bet. I lost the first race but I won in the second one. All in all I wound up losing 4.50 total which is fine I didn't expect to win anything so whatever!
After that we went to the local minor league baseball game and had some fun there. I was very tired by the end so we cut out a tiny bit early but we caught the fireworks while we were walking to the car.
Of course now I have my traditional after the 4th migraine! I hate that but every year it is the same thing. I guess it is the way I hold my head or the bright lights or maybe even the big booms but it gets me almost every time. In true after the 4th fashion I woke up with the migraine so now I can't get rid of it. That would be less distressing if I wasn't supposed to be at work today and if I didn't have a class to start at school.
Anyway gotta run for now and get the assignments done so that I can go back to bed and close my eyes.
After that we went to the local minor league baseball game and had some fun there. I was very tired by the end so we cut out a tiny bit early but we caught the fireworks while we were walking to the car.
Of course now I have my traditional after the 4th migraine! I hate that but every year it is the same thing. I guess it is the way I hold my head or the bright lights or maybe even the big booms but it gets me almost every time. In true after the 4th fashion I woke up with the migraine so now I can't get rid of it. That would be less distressing if I wasn't supposed to be at work today and if I didn't have a class to start at school.
Anyway gotta run for now and get the assignments done so that I can go back to bed and close my eyes.
Friday, July 1, 2011
This might sound odd but.....
It has been a long week!
I am so ready for a weekend off but I have a feeling it is going to be more like a weekend of shuttling between different parties. LOL Guess a girl and her beer can't be too choosy about where they land.
I was really hoping to get the boat out but with all the stuff going on that could have to be shuffled till next weekend. Daddy D had to cancel his annual haul to his hometown for the 4th again this year due to all the scheduling conflicts. Hopefully the Mother In Law will be nice and forgive me sometime soon.
Cheer Diva and Bug are heading to Las Vegas with my aunt so I am JEALOUS!!! Seriously she never took me anywhere that cool :(
Anyways y'all have a good 4th and come visit me when ya have some time!
I am so ready for a weekend off but I have a feeling it is going to be more like a weekend of shuttling between different parties. LOL Guess a girl and her beer can't be too choosy about where they land.
I was really hoping to get the boat out but with all the stuff going on that could have to be shuffled till next weekend. Daddy D had to cancel his annual haul to his hometown for the 4th again this year due to all the scheduling conflicts. Hopefully the Mother In Law will be nice and forgive me sometime soon.
Cheer Diva and Bug are heading to Las Vegas with my aunt so I am JEALOUS!!! Seriously she never took me anywhere that cool :(
Anyways y'all have a good 4th and come visit me when ya have some time!
Monday, June 27, 2011
I am really tired of my mother stealing my kids!
She has had them several times already this summer and now she is taking her again today. It wouldn't be an issue except for tomorrow is my daughters 16th birthday!!!
It started on Saturday when my mom called saying her and my dad wanted to come up on Sunday to see Cheer Diva for her birthday. I thought fine why not they get to see her and then on the day of her birthday Daddy D and I can take her out and spoil her a bit. Of course my mother being my mother shows up on Saturday night after we have had an exhausting day! Once again I didn't mind I was just tired and not prepared. Then apparently she asks Cheer Diva if she wants to go back home with them for a few days. Now not only do I NOT have my daughter on her birthday I have to drive over an hour to pick her up the next day. Seriously NOT WORTH IT!!!
I am just irritated that Cheer Diva and my mother never thought about how it would affect me to not have my daughter on her 16th birthday!
It started on Saturday when my mom called saying her and my dad wanted to come up on Sunday to see Cheer Diva for her birthday. I thought fine why not they get to see her and then on the day of her birthday Daddy D and I can take her out and spoil her a bit. Of course my mother being my mother shows up on Saturday night after we have had an exhausting day! Once again I didn't mind I was just tired and not prepared. Then apparently she asks Cheer Diva if she wants to go back home with them for a few days. Now not only do I NOT have my daughter on her birthday I have to drive over an hour to pick her up the next day. Seriously NOT WORTH IT!!!
I am just irritated that Cheer Diva and my mother never thought about how it would affect me to not have my daughter on her 16th birthday!
Friday, June 24, 2011
I just don't see the previous plan working out!
OK so remember the lady who was helping me make bows? No well here you go. She is a lovely woman but she drives me stark raving mad with all her energy and mess. I have done everything I can think of to calm her down a bit and give her simple tasks that she can handle without issue. The idea was since she is new and unfamiliar with the other projects I would let her do some basic things and learn about the other things as she goes. This way next year she will be good to go and be able to handle larger things.
UMMMMM NNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I just don't see the previous plan working out! So far she has been tasked to handle two car washes and a small concession area. The plan was keep it simple but add to the items they had last year so we could make some good money. At this point she has convinced one of the businesses to buy a popcorn machine that they really wanted all along. REALLY? She promises me. LOL Then she has contacted the school board, principal, band director, and god knows who else in regards to the rental of a concession truck. Which I might add was supposed to be rented by the business wanting us to do the concessions. Apparently since cheer is not considered a sport we can rent the concession truck from the school at an inflated cost compared to what other sports pay. She thinks this is too high and is contacting them to attend a school board meeting and fight for the rights of cheerleaders to be treated like a sport.
For once in my life I had no idea what to say........Seriously you took it upon yourself to contact the school board about the price of a concession truck rental. Don't you think maybe you should have let me know since I am the President of the club or Hey here's a thought let the Cheer Coaches know and have them work with the schools they are employed by. It is bad enough that we get treated like red headed step children now I have a crazy lady running around making us look like an idiot!
I think I am going to take a page from Eat, Pray, Love and in honor of Groceries I am going to call her Concessions from now on.
UMMMMM NNNOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I just don't see the previous plan working out! So far she has been tasked to handle two car washes and a small concession area. The plan was keep it simple but add to the items they had last year so we could make some good money. At this point she has convinced one of the businesses to buy a popcorn machine that they really wanted all along. REALLY? She promises me. LOL Then she has contacted the school board, principal, band director, and god knows who else in regards to the rental of a concession truck. Which I might add was supposed to be rented by the business wanting us to do the concessions. Apparently since cheer is not considered a sport we can rent the concession truck from the school at an inflated cost compared to what other sports pay. She thinks this is too high and is contacting them to attend a school board meeting and fight for the rights of cheerleaders to be treated like a sport.
For once in my life I had no idea what to say........Seriously you took it upon yourself to contact the school board about the price of a concession truck rental. Don't you think maybe you should have let me know since I am the President of the club or Hey here's a thought let the Cheer Coaches know and have them work with the schools they are employed by. It is bad enough that we get treated like red headed step children now I have a crazy lady running around making us look like an idiot!
I think I am going to take a page from Eat, Pray, Love and in honor of Groceries I am going to call her Concessions from now on.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Cheer Diva's Drama
You know how sometimes you are doing a lot of stuff all at once and juggling a lot of upcoming dates so you just happen to think something is in July when it is really in June? NO? Are you sure? I mean are you really being honest with yourself? LOL
Long story short I thought Cheer Diva's Lacrosse Camp was on July 22nd and guess what it was on June 22nd. I don't know why but last night I was laying in bed thinking about all the upcoming fundraiser dates we have planned for Cheer and the thought crossed my mind that Cheer Diva might just be double booked. I mean there is no way I would have signed her up for a camp at the same time as cheer camp right? UMMMM Yeah actually you are right. I didn't double book her I just had the date wrong in my head. It was on both my calendars correctly but I was convinced it was wrong so I never thought twice about it.
Needless to say this thought hit me at 1030 pm well after Daddy D's bedtime so he was not a happy camper when I got up and started running around the house to find the computer and confirm the date. Then of course my printer isn't working so I couldn't print the medical forms out so I was freaking out. Cheer Diva was of course pissed at me and convinced that everyone would treat her like a freak and leave her out because she wasn't going to be there the first night. She got ugly about the whole thing but I set her on her ass and reminded her it was her camp and therefore also partially her responsibility to remember things.
Anyway I helped her pack and reminded her 20 times to take sheets since they are staying in dorms at the college. We checked her in this morning before breakfast and I drove like a bat out of hell to get to work an hour late. An hour after I got to work I received the following text.
I NEED SHEETS!!
DUH Cheer Diva that is why I told you 20 times to pack them. I may be an idiot who gets dates wrong but I can pack with the best of them so next time instead of being all pissy and blocking me out I hope she will listen. Thank God a friend of mine at work has family who live near the college and they are going to take her sheets to get her through!
On another note it was really difficult to take my soon to be 16 year old daughter to a college dorm and drop her off. I didn't like it one little bit and even though I know she will be fine I was a little sad to leave her. It felt like I was dropping her off for college 2 years too early :(
Long story short I thought Cheer Diva's Lacrosse Camp was on July 22nd and guess what it was on June 22nd. I don't know why but last night I was laying in bed thinking about all the upcoming fundraiser dates we have planned for Cheer and the thought crossed my mind that Cheer Diva might just be double booked. I mean there is no way I would have signed her up for a camp at the same time as cheer camp right? UMMMM Yeah actually you are right. I didn't double book her I just had the date wrong in my head. It was on both my calendars correctly but I was convinced it was wrong so I never thought twice about it.
Needless to say this thought hit me at 1030 pm well after Daddy D's bedtime so he was not a happy camper when I got up and started running around the house to find the computer and confirm the date. Then of course my printer isn't working so I couldn't print the medical forms out so I was freaking out. Cheer Diva was of course pissed at me and convinced that everyone would treat her like a freak and leave her out because she wasn't going to be there the first night. She got ugly about the whole thing but I set her on her ass and reminded her it was her camp and therefore also partially her responsibility to remember things.
Anyway I helped her pack and reminded her 20 times to take sheets since they are staying in dorms at the college. We checked her in this morning before breakfast and I drove like a bat out of hell to get to work an hour late. An hour after I got to work I received the following text.
I NEED SHEETS!!
DUH Cheer Diva that is why I told you 20 times to pack them. I may be an idiot who gets dates wrong but I can pack with the best of them so next time instead of being all pissy and blocking me out I hope she will listen. Thank God a friend of mine at work has family who live near the college and they are going to take her sheets to get her through!
On another note it was really difficult to take my soon to be 16 year old daughter to a college dorm and drop her off. I didn't like it one little bit and even though I know she will be fine I was a little sad to leave her. It felt like I was dropping her off for college 2 years too early :(
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Let's be honest here!
Some people just need to take more valium than they currently do.
I spent last night making crafts for a cheerleading fundraiser. A few parents and a couple of kids came over to help us and I was thrilled with the turn out. I was honestly thinking I would be doing it alone. LOL Anyway our most hyper parent showed up and that girl is a freaking mess!!!!! It took us almost an hour to show her how to make a bow and then most of them looked like a mess. Lets just say I wouldn't pay for them if I were shopping. She had great color choices and things like that just NOOOOOOOO skill. This could have been fixed had the other two parents had any skill at bow making. NOPE it was a big ole disaster and I think more ribbon was wasted than bows were made.
Anyway I think me and another mom can salvage them but it is just going to take a little more time. The cheerleaders did a pretty good job on the stuff they worked on but it needs a little refining so I guess we will take a look at those too.
Now off to find a Dr who will prescribe valium to me without a valid reason so I can slip it in this chicks drink next time she comes over.
I spent last night making crafts for a cheerleading fundraiser. A few parents and a couple of kids came over to help us and I was thrilled with the turn out. I was honestly thinking I would be doing it alone. LOL Anyway our most hyper parent showed up and that girl is a freaking mess!!!!! It took us almost an hour to show her how to make a bow and then most of them looked like a mess. Lets just say I wouldn't pay for them if I were shopping. She had great color choices and things like that just NOOOOOOOO skill. This could have been fixed had the other two parents had any skill at bow making. NOPE it was a big ole disaster and I think more ribbon was wasted than bows were made.
Anyway I think me and another mom can salvage them but it is just going to take a little more time. The cheerleaders did a pretty good job on the stuff they worked on but it needs a little refining so I guess we will take a look at those too.
Now off to find a Dr who will prescribe valium to me without a valid reason so I can slip it in this chicks drink next time she comes over.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
This day is never going to end!
Some days just feel like they are going to drag on and on and on and on..........and on. Today is definitely one of those days. I have not stopped yawning yet and I feel a migraine coming on but I don't want to take my medication due to the high probability that I will fall asleep possible increased drowsiness. No training of anyone today which is a great thing but WOW I am just exhausted. If only I got to leave here and go home to a nice quiet night at home but NOPE not gonna happen.
Did I mention that I am the Cheer Booster Club President now? OH Yeah I am that stupid! Anyway I have all the girls and their parents coming over tonight for a night of craft making. Suddenly I am feeling the need to run screaming in another direction.
Anyway short and simple I am tired and irritable and now I have to go deal with a bunch of bitchy women. This should be fun!!!!!
Did I mention that I am the Cheer Booster Club President now? OH Yeah I am that stupid! Anyway I have all the girls and their parents coming over tonight for a night of craft making. Suddenly I am feeling the need to run screaming in another direction.
Anyway short and simple I am tired and irritable and now I have to go deal with a bunch of bitchy women. This should be fun!!!!!
Friday, June 17, 2011
Ready for the weekend!
This weekend I get my kids and my hubby back! I am so excited. LOL
Daddy D has been on a top secret military maneuver, otherwise known as a mini vacation to another base where he plays golf. Cheer Diva and Bug have been in AL with the grands soaking up the son and sending me incredibly rude pictures of their seafood lunches and beach views. I have been enjoying my three pillows and queen sized bed, full access to the remote control, and lack of having to cook dinner.
So tonight or tomorrow I have to go get the kids from their grandparents and then Daddy D will be flying in sometime tomorrow night. I will go from 0 people annoying me to 3 people annoying me in less than 24 hours.
God help them!!
Daddy D has been on a top secret military maneuver, otherwise known as a mini vacation to another base where he plays golf. Cheer Diva and Bug have been in AL with the grands soaking up the son and sending me incredibly rude pictures of their seafood lunches and beach views. I have been enjoying my three pillows and queen sized bed, full access to the remote control, and lack of having to cook dinner.
So tonight or tomorrow I have to go get the kids from their grandparents and then Daddy D will be flying in sometime tomorrow night. I will go from 0 people annoying me to 3 people annoying me in less than 24 hours.
God help them!!
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Heading back to work
Well I guess it is time for my weekend to be over and for me to head back to work.
Lord help me I don't know how many more days I can take of staring at the computer screen with nothing to do. Thank goodness I have two papers due for college that can keep me occupied tomorrow otherwise I might just have to beat someone.
Cheer Diva and Bug are at the beach having a blast with the grandparents and Daddy D is gone TDY so I am here alone and dealing with it just fine. I really don't mind the alone time anymore, years ago I dreaded it but now I have just learned to enjoy the fact that I can veg without dirty looks or recrimination. Heck as long as I clean it all up before they get back no one needs to know that I am a slob when they are gone. HEHE
I am sure Cheer Diva and Bug would love to know that little tidbit but for now I think I will keep it secret. They don't need to know all my little secrets otherwise I would have nothing left to torture them with.
Lord help me I don't know how many more days I can take of staring at the computer screen with nothing to do. Thank goodness I have two papers due for college that can keep me occupied tomorrow otherwise I might just have to beat someone.
Cheer Diva and Bug are at the beach having a blast with the grandparents and Daddy D is gone TDY so I am here alone and dealing with it just fine. I really don't mind the alone time anymore, years ago I dreaded it but now I have just learned to enjoy the fact that I can veg without dirty looks or recrimination. Heck as long as I clean it all up before they get back no one needs to know that I am a slob when they are gone. HEHE
I am sure Cheer Diva and Bug would love to know that little tidbit but for now I think I will keep it secret. They don't need to know all my little secrets otherwise I would have nothing left to torture them with.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Sleep Deprivation
Apparently sleep deprivation is bad for me! I have insomnia so bad it is ridiculous. Normally I take sleeping pills that help but I recently ran out and even though I was last seen in March my Dr refused to refill it until I was seen. Of course the Dr couldn't get me in until Thursday (17 days later) so I went for a while without sleeping well.
Now the good part......I took my sleeping pill on Thursday night and slept like a baby it was BLISS! Bliss I tell you! I was so thrilled I was actually nice the whole day long. LOL It was so good I decided I needed another good nights sleep and took the pill again last night. I woke up today and the clock said 4 o'clock. I thought thats odd the sun is out this early in the morning? Um NOPE it was actually 4pm. I can not believe I slept that long I never sleep through the day unless I am sick.
Wow I guess I was truly tired and I hope I can sleep tonight since I will have only been awake for about 5 hours!!!!!
Now the good part......I took my sleeping pill on Thursday night and slept like a baby it was BLISS! Bliss I tell you! I was so thrilled I was actually nice the whole day long. LOL It was so good I decided I needed another good nights sleep and took the pill again last night. I woke up today and the clock said 4 o'clock. I thought thats odd the sun is out this early in the morning? Um NOPE it was actually 4pm. I can not believe I slept that long I never sleep through the day unless I am sick.
Wow I guess I was truly tired and I hope I can sleep tonight since I will have only been awake for about 5 hours!!!!!
Friday, June 10, 2011
I have finally found my way back.....
life and work have been a lot overwhelming here lately and even though I have considered posting here several times over the last few weeks it just hasn' happened.
Personally I am exhausted!!! Working full time, going to college full time, and then agreeing to be the Booster Club President for Cheer Diva's team has turned out to be a ton of work. I am seriously considering trying to find a way to drop back to one college course every 5 weeks because I am just juggling too many things. Thank goodness this set of classes is over on the 20th and I can take a breath.
I had a few issues along the way with the upcoming surgery so that has been extended for another few months but it is nothing serious just a bit of laziness on my part this time. Right now I am suffering with some depression and lack of motivation but I can feel it lifting so hopefully soon I will be back to being me.
The kids are good and are actually on their way to the beach as we speak. I am missing them but I know they are going to love it and have a blast with my parents.
Daddy D is out of town for a while and I have the whole house to myself so I am enjoying that but a little lonely since everyone is gone. I find myself talking to the dogs quite a bit which is beginning to scare me. LOL
Personally I am exhausted!!! Working full time, going to college full time, and then agreeing to be the Booster Club President for Cheer Diva's team has turned out to be a ton of work. I am seriously considering trying to find a way to drop back to one college course every 5 weeks because I am just juggling too many things. Thank goodness this set of classes is over on the 20th and I can take a breath.
I had a few issues along the way with the upcoming surgery so that has been extended for another few months but it is nothing serious just a bit of laziness on my part this time. Right now I am suffering with some depression and lack of motivation but I can feel it lifting so hopefully soon I will be back to being me.
The kids are good and are actually on their way to the beach as we speak. I am missing them but I know they are going to love it and have a blast with my parents.
Daddy D is out of town for a while and I have the whole house to myself so I am enjoying that but a little lonely since everyone is gone. I find myself talking to the dogs quite a bit which is beginning to scare me. LOL
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
SNOW!
I am officially sick of all the snow. We dont have much just lots of small snows that keep the ground soaking wet and the kids out of school. I think we have missed a total of 11 days of school now. My kids are going to be in school part of their spring break or half the summer if this shit doesn't go away.
On the upside I keep getting two hour delays at work which is wonderful when you have insomnia!
On the upside I keep getting two hour delays at work which is wonderful when you have insomnia!
Monday, January 31, 2011
The real world of Cheer Leading!
Well this weekend I got my first view of the real world of CHEER LEADING!!!! Let me tell you it aint always pretty. LOL
I saw some stuff that made me cringe. I can't believe some of these Gym teams that come and have tiny little girls being thrown around by teenage boys. Seriously there is something wrong with having a 9 year old kid 7 foot up in the air while twisting herself into pretzel shapes. It is just wrong people. The highschools were atleast a little better considering all participants have to be 8th grade or above.
It was finally confirmed that our team is officially not up to par with the other teams in the area. I had a sneaking suspicion that we didn't have all the skills they had and we would look like the backwoods hillbilly neighbors they all pretend dont exist. Lets just say that the middle school teams that did exhibition routines that were better than ours.
So now I have a dilema I really feel strongly that we should spend our time and money on helping our girls step up their level of competition. Maybe up the number of practices and have some more proffessionals to come in and help them learn some more skills. If we don't do that then we can expect nothing but more of what happened this weekend. My problem is that if I fight for this there are alot of people who don't want to worry about it or deal with it at all. They are fine with where we are and how we are doing. The problem is you have a bunch of parents making the decisions based off of them not wanting to put in any more effort. The kids are paying the price for their laziness. What I want to know is what do these kids want? Is it more important to them that we get a fun trip every year or that they are able to compete in competitions and for scholarships to college.
I vote for spending next years 15,000 dollars on improving the kids not the profits of the people holding the competition.
PS the girls did their routine very well and I am so proud of my daughter!
I saw some stuff that made me cringe. I can't believe some of these Gym teams that come and have tiny little girls being thrown around by teenage boys. Seriously there is something wrong with having a 9 year old kid 7 foot up in the air while twisting herself into pretzel shapes. It is just wrong people. The highschools were atleast a little better considering all participants have to be 8th grade or above.
It was finally confirmed that our team is officially not up to par with the other teams in the area. I had a sneaking suspicion that we didn't have all the skills they had and we would look like the backwoods hillbilly neighbors they all pretend dont exist. Lets just say that the middle school teams that did exhibition routines that were better than ours.
So now I have a dilema I really feel strongly that we should spend our time and money on helping our girls step up their level of competition. Maybe up the number of practices and have some more proffessionals to come in and help them learn some more skills. If we don't do that then we can expect nothing but more of what happened this weekend. My problem is that if I fight for this there are alot of people who don't want to worry about it or deal with it at all. They are fine with where we are and how we are doing. The problem is you have a bunch of parents making the decisions based off of them not wanting to put in any more effort. The kids are paying the price for their laziness. What I want to know is what do these kids want? Is it more important to them that we get a fun trip every year or that they are able to compete in competitions and for scholarships to college.
I vote for spending next years 15,000 dollars on improving the kids not the profits of the people holding the competition.
PS the girls did their routine very well and I am so proud of my daughter!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
A thrill a minute!
I am back at work and I swear this place is driving me nuts. We still have little to no work to do and half of the time our systems are down so we can't do that. I am sure if they look at our internet history they would have a cow!
LAX Diva is officially Cheer Diva as of today. LOL It just seems wrong to call her LAX Diva now that she doesn't play LAX. In other news the religious boyfriend broke up with her because she couldn't devote her life fully to Christ the way he expected her to. Insert sarcastic eye roll here! Seriously the girl is 15 years old I think it is a little early in life to be expecting her to make lifelong commitments to another church simply because her boyfriend wants her too. Unfortunately this has meant many rounds of crying and yelling and phone conversations in the middle of the night.
Between work and Cheer Diva my life is a thrill a minutE! LMAO
LAX Diva is officially Cheer Diva as of today. LOL It just seems wrong to call her LAX Diva now that she doesn't play LAX. In other news the religious boyfriend broke up with her because she couldn't devote her life fully to Christ the way he expected her to. Insert sarcastic eye roll here! Seriously the girl is 15 years old I think it is a little early in life to be expecting her to make lifelong commitments to another church simply because her boyfriend wants her too. Unfortunately this has meant many rounds of crying and yelling and phone conversations in the middle of the night.
Between work and Cheer Diva my life is a thrill a minutE! LMAO
Friday, January 14, 2011
My finances are being spoiled!
I have decided for the family :) that this is the year we will get out of debt. OK well we will get out of some of our debt. Being military I am not naive enough to believe I will ever pay my house off before I move in 2.5 years! LOL I would have to buy a 30,000 house to make that happen every 3 years.
A friend of mine, who we shall call Red, has been talking about Dave Ramsey for years and I finally decided what the heck I should buy a book or something. Anyway I started reading Financial Peace Revisited last night and am almost half way done with it already. A lot of what I have read so far in this particular book doesn't apply to me because it describes in detail the humiliation of having creditors hounding you, impending foreclosures, and massive credit card debt. Thank goodness Daddy D and I have taken care of our finances well enough to not be in that situation. The Army also helped us with that about 3 years ago when we were lucky enough to get our first ever military bonus. What we have left is paltry to what many people have but I am spoiled so I decided my finances should be spoiled as well. I want my finances and I to be all "ooshy gooshy" when we see each other!!
Seriously I want no debt other than cars, homes, and monthly utilities. While I hope some day to be able to get it down to only monthly utilities I am realistic enough to know that wont be happening anytime soon. The military makes that pretty difficult. My other goal is to establish and maintain a savings account. This is something we have never successfully done. It always seems like someone out there, like Peppermint Patty, my MIL, or my children always have some major expense or drama that requires the use ofmy our precious savings account. Well this time the answer is no!!!! If I don't have it in my regular account to spare it wont be getting paid. OK maybe if it is for my kids I will bend a bit. LOL
So starting tonight Daddy D and I sit down to start rolling our new debt snowball around. This shouldn't be super difficult because most of our bills are all in one location. Thank goodness we only have one bank and two active credit cards that are through that bank. Unfortunately my car and our mortgage are through another entity so I will have to go to THREE whole websites to get answers. Man I feel good about that! I have worked so hard to keep myself from spending money on things I want when in reality I don't need them and it is finally paying off.
All I have to do now is take that final step and cut the credit card umbilical cord! Thank goodness I have less than $5000 in credit card debt so this shouldn't take exceptionally long.
Cross your fingers people I am moving into uncharted territory.
A friend of mine, who we shall call Red, has been talking about Dave Ramsey for years and I finally decided what the heck I should buy a book or something. Anyway I started reading Financial Peace Revisited last night and am almost half way done with it already. A lot of what I have read so far in this particular book doesn't apply to me because it describes in detail the humiliation of having creditors hounding you, impending foreclosures, and massive credit card debt. Thank goodness Daddy D and I have taken care of our finances well enough to not be in that situation. The Army also helped us with that about 3 years ago when we were lucky enough to get our first ever military bonus. What we have left is paltry to what many people have but I am spoiled so I decided my finances should be spoiled as well. I want my finances and I to be all "ooshy gooshy" when we see each other!!
Seriously I want no debt other than cars, homes, and monthly utilities. While I hope some day to be able to get it down to only monthly utilities I am realistic enough to know that wont be happening anytime soon. The military makes that pretty difficult. My other goal is to establish and maintain a savings account. This is something we have never successfully done. It always seems like someone out there, like Peppermint Patty, my MIL, or my children always have some major expense or drama that requires the use of
So starting tonight Daddy D and I sit down to start rolling our new debt snowball around. This shouldn't be super difficult because most of our bills are all in one location. Thank goodness we only have one bank and two active credit cards that are through that bank. Unfortunately my car and our mortgage are through another entity so I will have to go to THREE whole websites to get answers. Man I feel good about that! I have worked so hard to keep myself from spending money on things I want when in reality I don't need them and it is finally paying off.
All I have to do now is take that final step and cut the credit card umbilical cord! Thank goodness I have less than $5000 in credit card debt so this shouldn't take exceptionally long.
Cross your fingers people I am moving into uncharted territory.
Time for the updates
Well nothing amazing has really been going on but hey, whats new right?
LAX Diva is still with her boyfriend even though I keep trying to make that impossible. Sneaky little brat is always finding ways to reel him back in.
Bug is still eating like a crazy person and bouncing off the walls on a regular basis. I swear the child is going to be 300 lbs when she grows up if she doesnt stop. I litterally have had to take everything out of the house that is bad for you. She still finds things to eat though!
Daddy D is still Daddy D. Gosh I love that man.
Me personally I am just trying to keep it up!!! I continue to work towards my goal of getting bariatric surgery and just started with my required 3 months worth of visits to the dietician. That means some time in March or April I will finally get this surgery done. WOW it only took me a year to get everything to work. LOL Actually I am excited and inpatient about the whole thing. I really want to get this weight off soon so I can stop feeling like a miserable blob. Honestly, it is no fun to dress because everything is uncomfortable, no fun to go out on the boat because I look awful, no fun to work because I sit all day and my back kills me, just plain NO FUN!
Enough of that.
I am also going through a phase of needing new clothes and shoes but not wanting to get them just yet. Right now everything in my closet is cheap and it is really starting to show. Plus since everything I buy is crap it falls apart quickly so my wardrobe is dwindling fast. I think 4 pairs of pants should last me for the winter don't you? LOL The good thing is I am spending more on getting the house complete and less on buying shoes and stuff.
:)
LAX Diva is still with her boyfriend even though I keep trying to make that impossible. Sneaky little brat is always finding ways to reel him back in.
Bug is still eating like a crazy person and bouncing off the walls on a regular basis. I swear the child is going to be 300 lbs when she grows up if she doesnt stop. I litterally have had to take everything out of the house that is bad for you. She still finds things to eat though!
Daddy D is still Daddy D. Gosh I love that man.
Me personally I am just trying to keep it up!!! I continue to work towards my goal of getting bariatric surgery and just started with my required 3 months worth of visits to the dietician. That means some time in March or April I will finally get this surgery done. WOW it only took me a year to get everything to work. LOL Actually I am excited and inpatient about the whole thing. I really want to get this weight off soon so I can stop feeling like a miserable blob. Honestly, it is no fun to dress because everything is uncomfortable, no fun to go out on the boat because I look awful, no fun to work because I sit all day and my back kills me, just plain NO FUN!
Enough of that.
I am also going through a phase of needing new clothes and shoes but not wanting to get them just yet. Right now everything in my closet is cheap and it is really starting to show. Plus since everything I buy is crap it falls apart quickly so my wardrobe is dwindling fast. I think 4 pairs of pants should last me for the winter don't you? LOL The good thing is I am spending more on getting the house complete and less on buying shoes and stuff.
:)
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Watching Daddy D sleep....
and wondering how it is he can fall asleep when the dog is sitting on him, LAX Diva and her boyfriend are downstairs rough housing, Bug is in the kitchen coughing up a lung, and I am sitting here typing away. Apparently he is really good at this whole blocking out the world thing.
Some days I wish I knew how to do that!
Some days I wish I knew how to do that!
Peace Out!
OK people so I have decided it is time to get back to work even if I have to do it at work!
My stupid computer is running so slow I can’t do anything without it locking up and kicking me out. I can't even run my virus scan it is so screwed! Anyway life is moving on and I promise to come back tomorrow and hook you up with all the fun updates I can think of!
Peace Out!!!
My stupid computer is running so slow I can’t do anything without it locking up and kicking me out. I can't even run my virus scan it is so screwed! Anyway life is moving on and I promise to come back tomorrow and hook you up with all the fun updates I can think of!
Peace Out!!!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Short update!
I am having some major computer issues right now and basically it takes all night just to load my page then I have to figure out how to click on a link before the battery goes dead! LOL
I will try and post some at work but I will have to do it on the down low.
I will try and post some at work but I will have to do it on the down low.
